Time for a short story about my personal insecurities and how I became the ultimate intimate (boudoir) photographer aka the queen of pro selfies.
A post came up about flashing people. This is something I have never done in my life.
Insecurity number one was my breasts.
-
There are over 27 types of breasts out there
-
and only 9 get bras created for them specifically.
-
Then of that, only 2 are seen most in social media, movies, only fans, and more.
My breast type is never represented online in any format, my breast type gets me laughed at by females. Pointed at and told they were ugly. Since 4th grade, I have had the largest breasts of all the kids in class. Now we are an E and sometimes to this day still females online will try to make fun of me for them.
Insecurity number two was my hip dips.
My hate for these came from seeing my best friends in bathing suits ( i wore a b t-shirt and shorts to swim ) and tight bodycon dresses for our school dances. They didn't have super noticeable hip dips if any at all they all had rounded hips.
Again I felt like my body was too different from everyone else's around me. In magazines, billboards, cd covers, hip dips werent there unless on the super gym fitness types which I was not.
A few things that helped change how I feel about these two insecurities:
-
Find a person or online community of people who really value you as a grand piece of the universe. Not a person that thinks they own/control you. Not a group or person that feels like they get something from you or your pain. (what started for me was Ryans support)
-
Next follow accounts online that embody and represent you and where you want to be. I joined a ton of groups and followed a load of pages that are all plus size, empowerment, self love and unlearning toxic behaviors.
-
Unfollow accounts and people that make you feel bad. If they make you hateful, fearful, upset, or jealous - stop following them.
-
getting educated about 5 pillars and creating a routine that fulfilled all 5 pillars daily.
-
Start journaling. Write out your negative thoughts, and where they came from, and then write a new positive thought to replace it.
-
Take more selfies, the more you see you in images the more your brain connects the images to you, the more you start to develop chemical releases to make you feel good when you do see great images of yourself.
-
Be naked in the mirror alone. Just look at you. Just look. Focus on the parts you do love. Hug yourself, say your name and I love you. Each day you do this you will last longer, love more, and value more. When the negative things pop up that you were forced to learn replace them with an apology and something positive even if its something simple like " these legs helped me through the week"
-
Be willing to unlearn your toxic thoughts, be willing to be vulnerable, be willing to re-educate yourself. Dive into books that serve self help purposes. Stop your self bullying and self sabotage.
-
Get an empowering photoshoot and share it. This is the epic step but you may need to do all the other steps over and over for awhile before you get here ( I had no choice to stay a photographer I had to share my own images, especially with quarantine I also threw up 4 times before posting my first and 10th set of images to be judged)